I ponder my life. I reflect on the past. In all reality, I would say at best, it is probably half over. Thus the question emerges; how do I want to define the last half? What do I want to keep and what do I want to throw away? I can't help but laugh, as I visualize one of those awful reality T.V. shows in which they would go through all of a person's belongings and in a split second, they had to decide whether they would put it in the "keep" pile or the "throw away" pile. So, what things are of value to me? What relationships are intrinsic and invaluable to my life? What are the acquired characteristics I want to put in the "keep" or "throw away" pile? What qualities, interests, and behaviors should I let fall away? How do I make such decisions in a thoughtful way; with a nuance and reflection that will be bold and purposeful and make this last half really count?
Of one thing I am certain; that the most joy-filled and rich moments of my life have been tied to my Creator. Birth, life, family, friendships, love, purpose, and the pure beauty of creation have all been the most indescribable blessings. None of these are things I could have bought or manufactured for myself. Only the Creator could have orchestrated these so perfectly.
Perhaps, that is it! First, I must sift every decision, every choice, every relationship through Who He is and who He wants me to be, not just who I want to be. So who is He? As I know Him; He is love, kindness, justice, faithfulness and a pure beauty that I can only see partially reflected on this side of eternity. So how does that translate into decisions and choices for this purposeful refining of my life? I must ask myself with each activity, each relationship, each minute of precious time, "Is this someone or something that is an opportunity to either fully give or receive love, kindness, justice, faithfulness or beauty?" "Am I using this moment to be a reflection of His love, and beauty?" In other words, should I "keep" this OR...is it simply sapping me of time and energy with little or no eternal purpose?
This leads to my second criteria; does it count in the "big picture?" In other words, will it really matter in ten days or ten years or ten thousand years? If not, I must discard it and not cling to it just because it is familiar and comfortable.
Thirdly, is this decision or choice based on selfless love or selfish gain? I have found that as I look back over the past half of my life, it is the moments of sacrificial loving, risking and surrendering that have been when I have had the deepest connection to my Creator. It is these moments, that as I look back, remain, while all else simply falls away. With each choice, relationship, and activity...am I living these things out? Am I loving sacrificially in this friendship? Or am I only in it for personal gain? Am I willing to be bold and take risks or am I too afraid of failure and what others will think? Am I surrendering to the Father my will, that I may be fully living out His purposes for me? Or am I simply ambling along my own selfish, silly path to self-fulfillment? These are the hard, but important questions I must ask myself more now. I must be more intentional. Every moment and every decision matters.
Oh that these quiet times of reflection may define my future reality! That every choice, relationship and minute be defined by who He wants me to be, based on a selfless love and may it all count for eternity; that as I live out this second half...I will hear the most beautiful words ever uttered, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That will be my most precious reward...I need "keep" nothing else, no religion, no possession, no human accolade...nothing but His sweet praise ringing in my ears for eternity.
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